Your daughter is perfect. She’s smart, funny, and has friends. At her demanding North Shore high school, she’s taking advanced classes and getting great grades.
She’s also an athlete and active volunteer. Really, quite accomplished. Except lately, you’re starting to get a parent vibe that maybe perfection is taking a toll on your child.
She seems more stressed than usual. She runs out the door in the morning with just an apple and she’s started skipping family dinners so she can get a head start on her homework. When you complain, she tells you she had a big snack after practice.
“Trust your intuition,” says Dr. Julia Yen, a psychiatrist at Northwestern University. “If you think something is wrong, it’s time to talk to your kid.”
Because she could be “just stressed” as she claims or she could be in the early stages of an eating disorder. And while anorexia and bulimia largely affect women, teenage boys—especially in sports like wrestling—can also develop eating disorders.
According to Dr. Suzanne Gazzolo, a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders, parents should start asking questions if they notice their child doing any of the following:
- Restricts food – Your child stops eating dinner with the family or stops eating certain foods or develops very strict rules about food.
- Lies about food – Either to avoid eating or to hide binges.
- Wants to lose weight – Talks about diets or says she “feels fat” even though her weight may be normal.
- Compensates for eating – After eating, she needs to immediately exercise or she purges by throwing up or using laxatives.
- Changes behavior – Beyond the norms of adolescence, your child may be moody, irritable, anxious or depressed.
“You want to open the conversation by letting her know that you’re concerned about her and that you’ve noticed a few things,” says Gazzolo. “Ask her if she’s worried about food or dieting.”
Gazzolo notes that many teenagers, especially girls, talk about dieting or try a diet without developing an eating disorder, but it’s still a chance for a parent to open a discussion about body image and food.
“Like everything in medicine, early detection and prevention are key,” says Dr. Yen. “An eating disorder, if caught early, is very manageable. It’s much harder when a patient is 35 and has been struggling with food since the age of 14.”
If after talking with your child, you’re still concerned, suggest that you both meet with a professional to discuss how she’s feeling about food. She may resist or rationalize, and if she refuses to go, then you should still make the appointment and talk with someone.
“Eating disorders can be tricky because initially the patient likes how she’s feeling. She’s losing weight and getting compliments. But soon that spirals out of control and she needs help to get her life back in balance,” Dr. Gazzolo says.
If you’re worried your child might have an eating disorder, here are some proven local resources:
Dr. Suzanne Gazzolo
– A Wilmette-based psychologist specializing in eating disorders, Gazzolo can be reached at (847) 280-0564.
Highland Park Hospital
– Offers a free support groups for patients and significant others. For more information, see www.anad.org.
Northwestern Eating Disorders
– More information on their staff and clinic is at www.northwesternedp.net.
University of Chicago
– One of the few clinics that uses Maudsley Family-Based Treatment, which involves parents in the treatment of younger patients. Their web site is at www.uchicagokidshospital.org/specialties/psychiatry/eating-disorders.html
When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder by Abigail H. Natenshon
– A workbook for parents by local author and psychotherapist.
Dr. Julia Yen
– Yen has offices in Chicago and Winnetka and is on the faculty and staff at Northwestern. She can be reached at 312-951-8833.
