Our founder, Susan B. Noyes, delivered the commencement speech to graduates of the Family Institute at Northwestern University.
The full text:
Good morning and congratulations to you – Dr. Pinsoff, Dr. Rampage, faculty, family & friends, and most importantly graduates. Thank you for the opportunity to share with you this commencement of your future as expertly trained psychologists and therapists. It is an honor to be here with you.
You are beautiful in your regalia and accomplishment. But, you are even more beautiful because you have chosen a path that will make a real difference for others.
You will help individuals and families find their best and most hopeful selves. This will make our world better.
So, I thank you, graduates, for choosing this work and I thank the administration for the opportunity to give you a little advice. And I promise that it will be just that – a little advise.
In short, I hope that in the coming days and years, when necessary, you will remember:
“Life is long, and good, follow your heart, and enjoy the journey.”
Move always toward what and who you love, be creative and be easy on yourself.
It’s easy for me to imagine that you are excited and nervous – about work, whether you will find it, enjoy it, be successful at it – and perhaps about balancing a meaningful career with the many other aspects of a well-lived life.
When I was in a similar postion to you, graduating from law school in 1983 – I was single, excited, nervous about starting my job at a large Chicago law firm and absolutely certain that when I did marry, I would have the national norm 2.2 kids and leave them at home with the nanny in order to continue my “high powered” career.
I stand before you today a much different person than I envisioned at my graduation.
I surprised myself by giving up the practice of law to stay home and enjoy the miracle & love of my 6 kids instead, and eventually becoming a writer and social entrepreneur – starting a little media company that aspires to do good and do well, and launching a print magazine at the bottom of the recession, when most people thought that print was dying.
My heart keeps taking me in unexpected directions – as a consequence of that I am having more fun, and living more meaningfully now, than I ever imagined in 1983.
For this reason, and because the world is rapidly changing, I’m confidant that your life journey too will take unexpected turns and offer unanticipated opportunities.
I promise that your lives will be richer and more interesting if you do move always towards what you love and look for creative ways to get there.Yes! Even in this economy you will find and enjoy work and love and you will help others do so too; that is what you are trained to do and our community needs and wants more of that.
Back in the day, common consensus was that no one could “have it all.” But that was wrong. You can have it all – particularly if you are patient with yourself. Give yourself permission to:
- go fast
- or go slow,
- change gears, change tracks,
- step up, step back, step off,
- return, not return,
- stop and enjoy, move on – whatever works for you at the time.
Keep trusting your heart, which must be what led you to the Family Institute in the first place.
Furthermore, if you are a woman – your future is particularly bright. You have more options and freedom to achieve now than ever before. Your natural inclination to multitask, connect and look for win/win scenarios will lead you to success. The renowned demographer, Marilyn Moats Kennedy recently explained at a Make It Better symposium that with Americans currently in their 30s, women consistently outperform men.
Ladies – we rock. And you will rock your world.
After settling on today’s theme “Life is long, enjoy the journey, I took a journey to our son James’ graduation from Harvard University. The chaplin there urged, “Life is short, be swift to act & love.”
By the way, their chapel is not nearly as beautiful as this one.
At first blush, the Chaplin’s view is very different than mine. He says “life is short” I say “life is long.” But I think we both mean – when you find what and who you love, act on it.
I’m just giving you permission to be patient about finding and wallowing in those loves when you do discover them.
One of my heros is Drew Gilpin Faust, Harvard’s first female president. At that same ceremony, she advised graduates to:
“Go and live syncopated lives.”
I love the concept of a long and syncopated life.
Remember that “go fast, go slow, step up, step back” syncopated life beat I described earlier?
That is yet another way of saying go at whatever pace works for each day, each phase of life.
Follow your heart, nurture what is unique and special in you. Nurture what is unique and special in others too – which, of course, is what you are trained to do.
I realize that I’m probably preaching to the choir – in a chapel nonetheless. Because of your insight and training, you already know the importance of following your heart.
So perhaps I mean just to remind you to enjoy the journey, because even when life is hard, it is good.
As mom used to say to me, the best things in life often grow out of life’s hardest moments.
I’m a good example of this. As well as an example of why your chosen profession is so important!
This is the first time I’ve ever admitted this publicly. But for the work of many therapists and psychologists – I wouldn’t be here.
Yes, you heard me correctly. Multiple professionals – many affliated with the Family Institute – have worked with me and my family.
I’m talking his, mine and ours therapists, different psychologists for different kids and issues, school social workers, learning style consultants and probably others that I’m not remembering.
However, I will always remember the pain of one meeting with such a large circle of experts brought together to discuss one family issue, that I wondered “what kind of bad mother am I, to need so much help!” I just wanted to melt into my armchair and disappear.
Some people will hear this and think “what a dysfunctional family Susan Noyes must have.” But really it’s just the opposite – all that hard work paid off! We’re now a fabulously functional family – at least this week – with amazing and amazingly diverse children, and parents commited to nurturing the best in each other as well as in our offspring.
Through this, I’ve learned what I value most in the world – relationships, love, community and connection.
I also better understand my weaknesses – and there are a lot of weaknesses – just ask my husband, Nick.
Although I now understand that I am not a bad mother, I’m still a very imperfect one. For example, I can’t count the number of times I’ve yelled awful things at my beautiful daughter, Skatie.
Do they teach you here that mothers and teenage daughters are a particularly challenging family combination? If not, Skatie & I could write that curriculum.
And do they also teach that all that passion and frustration can evolve into a delightfully empowering relationship? Again, fortunately, Skatie & I could write that curriculum too.
So please don’t think me superwoman – take that mental cape right off my back – and don’t expect yourselves to be superheros either.
Instead please think of me as a super example of how important and empowering your work will be for others, and how interesting and unexpected a well-syncopated life, based on following your heart, can be.
Act swiftly on what you love, but be patient with yourself. You will be proud of the syncopated beat and the life full of love that produces.
And let me please add a little more love to your lives right now. Please add me to your contact list – Susan@makeitbetter.net. Reach out when you have a good story to share, or if I can help you.
I wish you success and struggles, an abundance of love and connection, and proof that:
Life is long and good, even when it is hard. If you follow your heart, you’ll enjoy the journey.
Thank you.
In top photo: Susan B. Noyes with Dr. William M. Pinsof, PhD, LMFT, ABPP
