A warm fuzzy mood is sweeping the blessed-by-fortune set. “Ostentation is out; charity is in.”
So claimed Vanity Fair’s reigning authority on the hip and high life, William Norwich, in his September 2006 “Talking Fashion” column, an observation that seems particularly apropos here on the North Shore.
The trend is clear. As Norwich continued quipping, “bling is out; philanthropy is in,” and the latter is quickly becoming an emphasized part of personal celebrations that once primarily promoted status and excessive extravagance.
Increasingly, family events such as landmark birthday and anniversary parties, bar and bat mitzvahs and later-in-life marriages request donations to favorite charities or participation in local service projects in lieu of expensive (and often unneeded) gifts.
Philanthropy over bling.
I like that concept. And considering that by definition philanthropy means “love of humankind,” it’s only fitting that this concept is incorporated into family events and other celebrations.
With that in mind, we interviewed two North Shore residents who included philanthropy into their celebrations long before Vanity Fair (not to mention Hollywood celebrities) caught on to this highly satisfying and hip trend. Their insights and the resources that follow can help you.
Like father, like son
“In 1954, when I was bar mitzvahed, I didn’t get presents,” explains Evanstonian John Lavine, dean of Northwestern’s Medill School of Journalism. “In fact, I didn’t get presents for my birthdays either.”
Handsome, lightly bearded and balding, hearty and wearing the titanium glasses favored by affluent intellectuals, Lavine sits on his favorite Italian-leather lounge in his olive-green living room filled with his collections of artifacts.
“I grew up in northern Wisconsin when polio and tuberculosis was rampant. My mother raised money to buy [TB] X-ray machines.” He says. “Then Easter Seals developed. Although we only had modest means, I didn’t think that I needed things. My birthday is in March [during the annual Easter Seal drive], so I just had people bring money and fill jars with coins.”
Proving that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Lavine smiles as he describes his son, Max, who was bar mitzvahed in 1990.
“When Max was little and he lost interest in toys, he packed them up and asked that we give them to children who didn’t have toys,” he says. “He also insisted that we give books to the preschool where his grandmother taught.”
It shouldn’t have surprised Lavine when 12-year-old Max asked that his bar mitzvah guests donate money to one of 3 organizations that reflected his values, in lieu of gifts.
“When he was bar mitzvahed, Max felt that he had no needs,” Lavine says. “This was a chance to give to others in need. He chose Martin Luther King’s Southern Methodist Leadership Council Conference, the Chicago Food Depository and the Ricky Byrdsong Foundation (started by the widow of Northwestern’s slain basketball coach).”
Lavine exudes pride over the more than $5,000 his son was able to donate to those causes.
Shedding light, giving warmth
Wilmette’s Cindy Ondra and Jane Hall developed their favorite celebration, the Calling All Ladies Party, now a decade old and benefiting the Institute for Women Today-Maria Shelter, almost by accident. It started as just an annual tea party for their friends.
“About the third year, Jane and I looked at the piles of hostess presents and said, ‘We don’t need any of this. But others do.’“
Ondra, a brunette with serious, kind brown eyes and a playful streak evidenced by her convertible VW bug, sips a Starbucks latte as she explains: “We chose this shelter for battered women because it is the only one in the city that allows children and their mothers to stay together.”
So, every year Ondra and Hall ask all the women they invite to bring gifts of warmth—like socks, hats, mittens—and whatever other items the shelter needs.
“Each year we receive more. I think our guests are bonding with the institution!” Ondra says with a smile. “We fill at least one van—I mean floorboard to roof with only room for the driver—and deliver the goods the day after the party.”
She breaks into a grin.
“A lot of work goes into organizing the party,” she says. “But the best part is bagging everything (for delivery). It’s like Christmas for us, anticipating the joy of the recipients.”
Like Lavine, Ondra and Hall are probably nurturing the next generation of philanthropic celebrants, too. They now include their daughters, Stevie, Kate and Marissa Ondra (15, 13, and 11 respectively) and Jamie Hall, 16, in the deliveries. And they start planning the next party the day after those deliveries are made.
With those examples and the following recommendations and resources, Make It Better hopes you will find inspiration for your own philanthropic celebrations.
