How to Talk With Your Kids About Sexting

No parent wants to think about their child sending or receiving explicit or graphic texts or photos, but kids are sexting more frequently, and at increasingly younger ages.

Dr. Kortney Peagram, a psychologist who educates tweens and teens about responsible Internet use at Chicago’s Bulldog Solution says, “Sexting can start as early as fourth or fifth grade. At that age kids don’t know what they are doing and often use dirty words without truly understanding the meaning.“

A study published in Pediatrics in January found that 22 percent of at-risk seventh graders surveyed engaged in sexting, defined as electronically sending sexually explicit messages and/or pictures. Middle school teachers in the Chicagoland area tell Sue Thotz, Chicago Program Manager at Common Sense Media, that sexting is a problem in their schools.

Parents can integrate the topic of sexting into a broader conversation about a child’s digital footprint that starts as soon as kids begin communicating electronically.

“Parents need to be discussing the kind of information that children are sharing about themselves,” Thotz says. “Talk generally about the kind of information you’re sending out yourself, be it photos, words, thoughts, [or] images that you express and share.”

That conversation should continue throughout the tween and teen years as sexting becomes more prevalent. Jo Langford, a therapist, sex educator and author of “The SEX-EDcyclopedia,” notes that boys and girls are sexting at the same rate and said it is something all parents need to address.

When talking to kids about the risks associated with sexting, parents can use real-life examples of serious consequences.

“Talk to them about what this can do to their future and the risks they might be taking,” Pegram says. “It might be thrilling to press send, but you can’t ever take it back.”

Parents can use examples of kids who suffered unintended consequence of sexting, such as theEvanston Township High School boys’ baseball team. They forfeited their first round state playoff game last spring after many players were suspended for sharing inappropriate photos among themselves.

“Such examples illustrate that this is not a joke and that their actions will have an impact,” Thotz says.

Consequences can reach far beyond the baseball field, as possessing explicit photos of individuals under the age of 18 is a criminal offense. “That would go on their record and impact their chances for scholarships, college applications, even part-time work. It is not worth it,” Peagram says.

Evolving technology and apps like Snapchat make sexting easier and give kids a false sense of security that images disappear or can be deleted. “The Internet is forever. Kids just don’t get that,” Langford says.

Of Snapchat, Langford says, “The ease and anonymity of Snapchat was designed for sexting.” He says he has a zero-tolerance policy for it. “The good stuff you can get with Snapchat, you can get other places, and the bad stuff is really bad.”

While parents often hear that they should check their child’s phone, Langford says many parents do not do so because they do not want to invade their child’s privacy. “Instead,” he says, “the philosophy that there is no privacy online should be more in the common vernacular.”

While the technology is always changing and evolving, some basic facts remain the same.

“Parenting is still parenting,” Thotz says. “Nothing has changed about giving your kids your values and telling them what’s important to you and why and what you expect of them. Kids have the potential to share and create with technology and we as parents have to steer them toward doing fantastic things. We need to make sure they’re aware of the perils and pitfalls so they can avoid it.”