You Know You’re Martha Stewart When …

We put together a checklist of “Martha” characteristics after meeting the domestic guru at a recent Evanston luncheon for the American Cancer Society.

Martha shared stories from her everyday life and her new book, “Martha’s Entertaining: A Year of Celebrations.

You know you’re a Martha wannabe if …

1.    Your children could make a living by making fun of you.
2.    You have “never ordered a pizza.”
3.    You have never sipped wine by yourself.
4.    You raise your own chickens at home. (Martha brings the farm-fresh eggs with her to the office to distribute among her co-workers—“only four per person!”)
5.    You’ve been to jail and talk openly about your time there.
6.    You own multiple homes.
7.    You can feed your family almost entirely from what you grow in your all-organic garden. (And your green house is as large as many people’s homes.)
8.    You treasure the ceramic nativity scene you made and painted yourself (in Martha’s case, while incarcerated).
9.    You do yoga nearly every day. (Martha has private sessions with the head of the Iyengar Yoga Institute in New York.)
10.    You believe it’s okay to indulge in dessert every once in awhile, “when the flavors are fresh and pure.”
11.    You simply could not function without your personal chef. (Martha’s chef is Pierre Schaedelin, who worked at the famous restaurant Le Cirque in New York, and he got her through her house arrest.)
12.    You rarely eat anything that comes out of “a can or a box.”
13.    You enjoy horseback riding.
14.    On Christmas Eve, you eat caviar.
15.    Before leaving for work each morning, you have to feed all your animals (for Martha, 5 cats, plus dogs and birds).
16.    You consider Julia Child your hero. (Martha’s actual words: “a mentor.”)
17.    You love being a grandmother and cherish every moment with your grandchild.
18.    You are open to an artificial Christmas tree, as long as it’s beautiful. (This seemed unorthodox for Martha—might it have something to do with her Kmart line of artificial trees?)
19.    You make your own eggnog from scratch.
20.    You have no plans to retire from reigning over your empire … EVER.

Photo by Eisenberg/Rolfes Photography.