Your “boomerang kid” has moved back home. Now the question is: Should they pay rent?
You may be surprised—the answer depends on a number of variables, according to Dr. Tom Olkowski, author of “Helping Children Cope with Moving” (Kindle Edition, 2011):
- Why is the adult child moving home?
- How long will they stay?
- Do they have a plan of action for moving out?
- Do they have a history of being responsible or irresponsible?
Parents should also consider:
- What they want from the child? If it’s a second chance, it will only lead to trouble.
- How they perceive the event? Is it an imposition?
If you’re still on the fence about charging rent and your child is responsible, you can barter services, like grocery shopping or cooking, Dr. Olkowski says.
Help your young adult leave the nest
Prepare your child—starting in their freshmen year of college—for life after graduation, says financial expert and North Shore native Terry Savage. Let them know how long they can live at home before they have to pay rent or move out. The rent doesn’t have to be market rate, Savage says, just enough to motivate them to get a job.
Parents who charge their kids rent only to give the money back when they move out are not helping them.
It doesn’t happen that way in the real world, and you want to give them a life lesson, says Dan Gill, a counselor at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. Instead, teach your child how to become financially independent by helping them create a budget or hiring a financial planner to do it with them.
It’s not about the money
The real issue is not rent, it’s figuring out a living arrangement that works for everyone, says Dr. Florence Kaslow, author of “Divorced Fathers and Their Families,” (Springer, 2012). “It would be pretty cold-hearted to tell a child, ‘Sorry, go be homeless,’ if they are not lazy and they are looking for a job.”
To avoid conflict, write a contract with your child that specifies what you expect from them, Dr. Olkowski says. Include in it:
- Their responsibilities around the house
- How long they’ll stay
- Their plan of action for moving out
If they break the agreement, they lose privileges, have to pay rent or move out. Like any official contract, it too should come with an expiration date.
Need more reasons to encourage your 20-something child to make the most of this important decade? Check out Meg Jay’s wildly popular TED talk “Why 30 is not the new 20.”
