Your child says his teacher is bullying him. What should you do?
Ask him to walk you through what happened and make sure he is not misinterpreting the situation, says Dr. Elizabeth Englander, author of “Understanding Violence.” Many parents think asking their child questions, rather than instantly agreeing with them, is a rejection. But it’s not. “You’re asking questions to make sure your child gets what he needs,” she says.
Bullying is not:
- A teacher or coach who snaps at a child, because he’s in a bad mood
- A one-time event
- Something that hurts your feelings
Bullying is intentional, repeated abuse of someone who is powerless, Dr. Englander says. “Kids hear bullying and apply it to everything.”
She suggests meeting with your child’s teacher and principal. But warns, don’t be confrontational. Let them know there seems to be a problem and ask them what’s going on with your child. It could be that your sensitive child is misinterpreting the teacher’s direct communication style. “Give the teacher a chance to do better,” she says.
Monitor progress by checking in with your child each day. Talk to his classmates. Do they confirm what he tells you? If so, and the school is unresponsive, insist he is switched to a different classroom.
Removing your child from the situation is easier to do when the bully is a coach, because you can change teams or even change sports, Dr. Englander says. But children have to attend school.
Children who are bullied show signs of stress or trauma:
- Difficulty sleeping
- Trouble eating
- Disinterest in activities they previously enjoyed
Cheri Spiczka’s clients have been bullied mercilessly. But none of them have reported abuse by an adult.
Spiczka, a counselor at North Shore Wellness Services in Northbrook, teaches children relaxation techniques and self-talk to build their self-esteem. When harassed by a bully, they tell themselves, “This is not true. I am a good person. I am not hurt. I can walk away.” Bryan Simmon, a counselor at Youth Services in Glenview, recommends thinking about how your child responds to criticism. Simmon says that oftentimes it’s not bullying by a teacher or coach. It’s a child who doesn’t like what he’s hearing.
