As invitations to holiday parties arrive, is your first thought, “Bah humbug!”?
Do ghosts of gatherings past make you want to curl up and hibernate until January 2?
No need to take a pass on the festivities, says therapist Marc Pfeffer, Director of Chicago’s Panic/Anxiety Recovery Center. “During the holidays we’re meant to engage with each other,” he says. “It’s important not to avoid these opportunities, but to face fears.”
A Symphony Of Emotion
According to Pfeffer, social anxiety stems from a primal fear of rejection and need for acceptance. “There is a symphony of emotion—anxiety, uncertainty and discomfort,” he says. “It’s essential to have an attitude of readiness if you’re anxious about going to your partner’s work party or a big family gathering.”
Arm Yourself with ‘An Attitude of Readiness’
That attitude should be as much a part of your planning as scheduling a babysitter or deciding what to wear.
First, set goals. Pfeffer suggests challenging yourself to meet one or two new people and initiate conversation. “Make eye contact, introduce yourself, ask a question, be inquisitive,” he says; however, stay away from age-old taboos—politics, religion and money. Good alternatives: travel and work-related queries.
Second, rehearse. Use visual imagery and see yourself having a successful conversation with another guest.
Third, play pretend. Think of someone who seems to effortlessly work a room. Now, take on that persona. One of Pfeffer’s clients channeled Kate Middleton to help her to stay above the fray at a particularly dreaded family get-together.
Fourth, have an out. If a conversation runs out of steam or someone mentions an ill-advised topic, determine your “out” and be prepared. Perhaps your beverage needs freshening or, when faced with awkward questioning, a simple “I’m surprised you brought that up” can end an inquisition.
Drinks Anyone?
What about alcohol? Is it best to head straight for the punchbowl or to abstain?
Pfeffer suggests holding off for the first hour; prove to yourself that “liquid courage” isn’t required to enhance your personality.
For work-related gatherings, the Society for Human Resources Management reminds party-goers and their guests to keep the corporate culture in mind.
Great Party!
Remember, oftentimes our fear of what’s to come is worse than what actually happens.
“Don’t believe what you think, especially when it comes to anxiety,” Pfeffer counsels.
