What happens when your girlfriend dumps you?
Endless tears brought on by grief…
A mango-size pit in your stomach, aching from sadness…
The desire to consume a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby in one sitting to fill the empty space in your heart…
These symptoms are pretty typical when a romantic relationships ends, but when it’s a BFF, it can be so much worse!
I’ve always been the kind of person who has lots of friends. I love girls! I love girl’s nights out, I love meeting girls at Starbucks, I love jogging with girls, getting pedicures with girls, going to art fairs with girls, shopping with girls, and the best, having heart to hearts with really good girlfriends. Over the years, girlfriends have come in and out of my life. Some have moved away, some I’ve lost touch with, and a few times, I’ve been dumped. Here are three ways that girls dump girls:
The step by step blow-off
This is when your girlfriend backs away gradually, little by little. My friend Connie did this to me. Connie and I got to be friends through our children. We had several play dates over the years and while I was going through my divorce, the woman was a saint. She would plop our kids in front of a movie with bowls of popcorn while she counseled me in her kitchen. I would cry and she would listen and hold my hand. Then, years later, she stopped calling me. I figured Connie was just busy, so I began calling her a lot more. She then stopped returning my calls. “Is everything okay?” I asked her in a voice mail message? No call back, but when I saw her at the gym a few days later, I had my answer. That’s when I realized I was being dumped. I asked her, “Did I do something wrong? Did I offend you in some way that I’m not realizing?” Connie answered no and was as nice as could be. I realized that she either didn’t want to get into it, or the woman just lost interest in me. Losing Connie’s friendship hurt for a long time. Slowly and methodically, she’d ended our four year relationship.
The official break-up (in person or in writing)
I met Julia at a park a few years ago. She struck up a conversation with me, and we talked while watching our children play. To say I was completely infatuated with this woman is putting it mildly. Julia was so smart. And she was witty. When she spoke about politics or music or books or the lack of funding for our school district, I hung on every word. She was one of those people that I felt was like an undervalued gem. I asked her for her number and we got together a few times with the kids. And each time, I enjoyed her more and more. She was colorful, and entertaining, and really, really intelligent. And she made me feel strong, like I could do anything I put my mind to. Julia was truly inspiring. Late one night, I was on facebook, and got a message from my new friend. I was so excited! Here is the gist of what it read: “I want to be completely honest with you. I thought you and I had the potential of becoming true friends, but I’ve been thinking about it lately, and I feel like we don’t have as much in common as I initially thought. I like you and I look forward to running into you.” Ouch!
The full blown no holds bar, shouting oration, where the girl just goes off
My friendship with Nancy started as fast as it ended. I met her through some girlfriends at a restaurant one night. We talked and talked and talked and I loved this girl! So down to earth, so normal, so much like me! We began texting each other constantly, and meeting for coffee whenever we could. I felt like the two of us just clicked. As time went by, both of us got busy, being that we both are single mothers with young kids. My sister was visiting one weekend, my daughter was sick the next, and then I was out of town visiting family for a week. When I got back, I attended a very fancy party. Now, keep in mind, this was an elegant event. It was quiet and quaint, harp music playing in the background, while people drank wine and ate passed hors d’oeuveres. All of a sudden, I saw Nancy. I went to hug her hello and she turned and walked away. “What just happened?” I asked a friend standing next to me. I approached Nancy for the second time. “What’s the matter?” Nancy turned to me, her eyes filled with hate. Low and controlled, she began, “You are a horrible friend.” I gasped and asked, “Where is this coming from?” She answered, “You haven’t texted me in a week and a half!” She then proceeded to go off on me for at least four minutes, never allowing me to get in a word edgewise. Psycho was the word I kept thinking of.
The thing about girlfriends is, there really is no shortage. But, the special ones are hard to come by. They’re the ones who comforted me in a time of need; when my dad was sick, or when my child broke his finger, or when I was going through my divorce, or when I was afraid I might not be able to pay my next mortgage payment. They are the same friends who were here for me during good times, like when my son scored 24 points in his basketball game, or when I met a guy I talked about for days, or when I found out my book was getting published.
I recently visited my hometown and went out for dinner with two of my girlfriends who I’ve known since I was 13. I hadn’t seen either one in almost a year. Sitting there with them, drinking martinis and picking up the conversation like I’d just seen them last week made my memories of Connie and Julia and Nancy almost nonexistent. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have. What’s most important are the people who you know in your heart will always be around no matter what. They’ll never stop calling you, they’ll never write you a break-up letter, and they’ll never go off on you, although if they do, you’ll go off right back and the fight will end with a hug and a promise never to act like that again.
Where To Go With Your Girls:
- Best place to go for coffee with your girlfriend to scope out single, older men: Starbucks 1849 Green Bay Road, Highland Park
- Best place to soak up the sun and catch up with your g.f.: Glencoe Beach
- Best place to buy your girlfriend a gift for babysitting your kids: Country Classics
- Best place to go for a girl’s night out with fun drinks: Flight
- Best place to take a girlfriend who’s going through a break-up: Chicago Botanic Garden
- Best place to celebrate your g.f.’s new job: Prairie Grass
- Best place to shop for really inexpensive shoes with your girlfriend: Von Maur clearance room