This 40-something mother of two tells the story of her mid-life journey to find sexual fulfillment …
… all while staying happily married to her long-time husband.
Pamela Madsen‘s desire to explore her sensuality, highlighted in “Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner,” wasn’t a criticism of her marriage; it was something she felt she needed to do for herself.
“Our sex life was just fine, thank you very much.” Madsen says in a recent phone interview. “I loved my husband, my family, my children, my life. But my libido was pounding on the door, and I didn’t know what to do.”
Sacred Intimacy and Raspberries
Madsen dipped deep into her desires through the help of healers, workshops, and therapeutic sessions in a little-known area called Sacred Intimacy (SI). Devotees of SI consider it to be a sexual path to the self, using techniques like erotic massage, visualization and ritual to help clients heal wounds from the past and find wholeness and fulfillment.
One of Madsen’s tamer sessions with her “intimate,” a gay man named Marcus, involved frozen raspberries—a treat that she wasn’t allowed as a child because her mother said she was too chubby to deserve “good” food. Read the book for specifics, but after two hours with Marcus and the forbidden fruit, the author felt beautiful, gratified, and very worthy of berries in her future.
Sexy and Size 14
Madsen’s detailed and brutally honest account of her exploits is outrageous, shocking and hilarious. She certainly blows away societal expectations of how a size-14, middle-aged woman married to her high school sweetheart should behave. What Pamela Madsen wants to communicate is that everyone—regardless of size, shape or age—is entitled to pleasure.
“Women don’t have to earn the right to have pleasure in life. We don’t have to lose three pounds, or weigh a certain amount, or jog, or take out the garbage, or get a raise. We’re all entitled to have pleasure, just the way we are! And when we finally figure that out, pleasure can transform our lives.”
Madsen says her journey has helped her find sexual, personal and spiritual wholeness and made her a better wife, mother and friend. And when her game is on, she feels like the hottest thing in the world.
“Honey, I feel like Marilyn Monroe. The joy in my body is so clear and it radiates sexiness and confidence. I’m aware that I’m not a small girl, but I have a shape to my hips and a flip to my hair and a shine to my eye. Yes, I struggle with my weight sometimes, but I keep the shame at bay through self-care, and that means having sessions and taking care of myself in a sensual and sexy way.”
Is Your Mother Reading This?
Embarking on a journey that tapped into fantasy and the sexual underground was a bold move to begin with, but writing a book about it is more audacious still. Is Madsen worried about being judged?
“I’m terrified of Dr. Phil,” she laughingly admits. “I’m nervous about being the woman with the scarlet letter. But I finally realized that I wasn’t cheating on anybody. My husband knows that I come home to him, and frankly, he reaps the rewards.”
Madsen doesn’t expect that everyone will feel comfortable following her path, but she urges women to identify what brings them physical pleasure and claim the right to experience it —even if it’s simply enjoying a massage.
For more information on Pamela Madsen and her book, Shameless, visit her website beingshameless.com.
Photo Credit: Julian Cash