In the past few months, much has been written about the economy and its effect on children and families.
How do we talk to our children about these difficult times that may directly affect them?
For example, there may be less discretionary spending, a difficult concept for kids to understand. That there is less of anything is difficult for a child to comprehend. Here are some ideas for framing “the financial talk,” if it is necessary, while maintaining the child’s equilibrium and sense of safety:
Calm your own fears first so your anxieties do not spill over to your children.
If you find it hard to say no to your child when there is a need to cut back on spending, you may need to examine your own feelings regarding this issue. Do you feel you are depriving your children? Do you feel guilty? Do you feel they will be angry at you? In discussions regarding budgets, cutting back, etc., parents must deal with their own emotions before they can make reasonable comments to their kids.
If you cannot take the annual vacation or afford the same amount toward a birthday celebration, you must not feel deprived, ashamed or guilty. You only will be able to discuss this rationally with your family when you can deal with the situation rationally yourself. Talk to your spouse, a friend or a professional to examine these feelings.
The discussion should be based on facts, not emotions.
You will serve as a positive role model for patience and responsibility if you take a business-like approach to any financial problems your family faces. Your message to your children is not that they are being punished or that you are being mean to them. The message is simply: “This is not an affordable item in our budget.”
Reinforce and re-examine your family’s values.
Connect and emphasize ideas and values rather than things. This is a great opportunity to revisit the values of personal worth and responsibility. The answers to the following questions could be revealing:
- Do your children feel entitled to whatever they want regardless of the cost? Do they measure their worth and the worth of others in appearances versus character and behavior?
- Are their accomplishments to be rewarded with things and praise or a sense of pride and success?
- Is there any realistic understanding between wanting and needing? Has over-indulging become the norm? Are we contributing to the erosion of the values that we are trying to teach our kids?
Introduce your children to frugality.
Developing resilience and strategies that help get us through tough times are great compliments to learning skills for staying out of debt. Children can develop terrific skills around the idea that, while change can be difficult, it can also foster creativity and a “can-do” spirit. These skills include:
- Strategizing
- Prioritizing
- Estimating
- Tracking their spending and saving
- Understanding the percentage that you save on a sale item (A. bonus here is the many good math problems that can be created).
- Researching the best buys
All these skills further analytic thinking. A sound financial plan contributes to a sense of peace of mind, confidence and success.
Make the conversation age-appropriate.
There is a tool that can be used at any age—a pie chart, which a child can fill in with his or her own budget. It combats the misconception that money is infinite. Younger children can color in amounts for spending, saving, etc.; while older children can use percentages and fractions to fill in their sections and categories. As they become more resourceful in making, spending and saving their money, they might start making smart choices, and then you can pat yourself on the back and say: “Job well done.”
This article originally appeared in “Family Footnotes,” the newsletter of the Family Service of Winnetka-Northfield.
