Hey, all you hot mamas, if someone called you a “MILF,” would you be offended, flattered or plain confused?
Most women are a bit of all three, because MILF is a loaded term. It originated as an acronym for the phrase “Mother I’d Like to Bleep,” mostly used by young men to express appreciation for their friends’ moms, a la the 2003 Fountains of Wayne song, “Stacy’s Mom.”
The ick factor of the cross-generational pairing along with the crudeness of the “F” makes some women cringe.
“The term is incredibly vulgar,” says Kristin of Evanston, 47. “You want to tell me I’m hot, I’m a babe, I’m smokin’, you dig me, and I’m totally flattered. You tell me I’m a MILF and I think you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t treat women very well.”
But others feel that MILF has morphed into a legitimate noun that no longer carries a profane stigma.
Tia, 39, from Wilmette says, “I absolutely think it is a positive. I think it has lost its literal translation and refers more to an attractive mom. I hear dads using it frequently, always as a compliment.” Tia, who has three kids, laughs, “Does it count if I call myself one?”
Sarah Maizes, author of the new book “Got Milf? The modern mom’s guide to feeling fabulous, looking great, and rocking a minivan,” agrees that the term can be polarizing, but urges moms not to take it so seriously. In a phone interview, the Californian stand-up comedian and mother of three told me, “Just because men say they want to “bleep” you, doesn’t mean they actually do. MILF is a term used by any man admiring a woman of a certain age.”
Maizes’ book is uplifting and funny—see her criteria for MILFiness below—but it raises an important issue. Can a women be hot, not in spite of being a mom, but because of being a mom? The idea of motherhood being inherently sexy is not often explored in our culture, and this might be what really makes us uncomfortable with the idea of being MILFs.
Maizes encourages the blending of roles, but not in a slutty or predatory way. “Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean your life is over,” she says. “I wrote this book because I believe you’re allowed to be a whole person. You can be a great, present mother and still have sex with your husband.”
F-word aside, the majority of women I talked to (including me!) would be thrilled to know that men to find them attractive, especially as they get older.
As Pat from Wilmette says, “Most women I know who work at staying fit, healthy and attractive on some level like to know they are considered “hot” by other men, respectfully.”
Betsy, a married mom of four from Lake Forest puts it more plainly. “I would LOVE to be considered a MILF! I wish someone would say it to me. I can’t imagine being offended—maybe because I’m about to turn 50.”
Got Milf? Author Sarah Maizes’ top qualities of MILFs
- A MILF laughs. She sees the lighter side of life.
- A MILF is genuine. She has confidence and energy and knows who she is.
- A MILF evolves. She has a hobby or an interest outside the family that keeps her growing.
- A MILF has cute underwear and knows when to use it.
- A MILF makes time for sex with her man and asks for what she wants.
- A MILF makes other people feel good by being true to herself.
- A MILF takes care of herself (or at least showers every day.)
- A MILF doesn’t overcommit!
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