Jewel headlines Ravinia this weekend, but she is no stranger to making news.
The singer-songwriter, born Jewel Kilcher, married rodeo cowboy Ty Murray five years ago and gave birth to their son in 2011. She has sold more than 27 million albums, earned four Grammy nominations, and she’s the star of the new Lifetime TV movie “Ring of Fire.”
What isn’t as well known is the personal struggle she has experienced. Jewel discusses how she got through the tough times and how music helped her survive.
You grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father and your mother left when you were young. How did you manage back then?
I grew up bar singing. I saw people always trying to outrun their problems with drugs or alcohol, and it never worked. So by the time my life got painful enough that I would want to turn to drugs as a teenager, I already knew that was not actually a solution. Drugs just complicate people’s lives. I knew I had to come up other ways to handle my confusion or my pain, and for me that was writing.
I really came to see that you had to be happy. For some reason, that led me on a lifelong journey of learning how to be happy and trying to do it the right way, because there’s no shortcut. And it’s been amazing. I’ve really had a wonderful life.
In Chicago we see a lot of broken families. Based on your own experience, how can people, as you say, train themselves to be happy?
A lot of it is knowing that A, you don’t have to repeat the cycle, and B, if you don’t want to repeat the cycle, you need to learn a new way. That means you have to surround yourself with healthier examples.
Even if you still live with your family, where there might be bad or abusive behavior, try and find the mentors who will take you under their wing, whether it’s a person at school or someone else in the family. You can find mentors in different places. Just keep your eyes peeled, because there are really good people in the world. Once you recognize and identify those mentors, allow yourself to learn a new way or new habits.
I sort of looked at myself as a science project. I tried to look objectively at what things I felt like I lacked. I found other people who had those traits I could learn from. And I still do that today!
Did music play a role for you to escape the cycle of abusive behavior?
I was good at music—good at singing—so I did always have something to help me build my confidence or make me feel like I had some kind of worth. And that’s important. It’s very hard for kids who have nothing, or perceive they have nothing.
Every person has a talent, and hopefully you can find yours. Even if you’re the only one who believes in it, go ahead and believe in it. All of us have a little light that makes us special, find out what that light is and don’t let it get extinguished. That’s very important.
This article was excerpted and translated from Mandarin Quarterly magazine.
