How Sizzling Couples Keep Sex Hot

The Wilmette Theatre turned steamy in June when Sex & the Suburbs brought “Sizzling Couples” to the stage.

The expert panel gave plenty of juicy information about how couples can create fulfilling and exciting sex lives. Here are 4 ways to keep the sexual energy flowing in your relationship, including some quick tips you can use tonight.

1. Make intimacy a priority. Sizzling couples don’t just fall into a passionate embrace every evening. As marriage therapist David Klow says, “You can’t expect to have hot sex if you don’t interact with each other throughout the day. Successful couples create an atmosphere that’s conducive to intimacy; their daily communications have a little flirtation or sexual charge to them.”

It also helps to regularly schedule sexy time. Panelists George and Andrea Gaines have transformed their marriage from blah to scorching over the past 4 years through study and practice. “We actually make appointments with each other,” George says, “because we’re both extremely busy, and that’s the only way we have sex.” The couple books time together frequently—5 to 6 times a week. “We do it even if we don’t feel like it,” Andrea says. “It’s not about how we feel; we are committed to practicing. We come together for the sake of opening up the other person.”

2. Be a generous lover. “If you go into a sexual encounter thinking, ‘What am I going to get out of this?’ or ‘Is this going to suck again?’ then it will,” George Gaines says. “I have changed my whole outlook. I say I’m doing this for Andrea.” It’s hard to make love if you’re feeling resentful or pissed off. “Irritation and resentment can build up over time,” Klow says. “If you have the capacity to forgive, that goes a long way toward building connection and intimacy. That takes practice and courage.”

3. Play up polarity. It’s great to be equal partners with your spouse, but let’s face it—being good buds isn’t all that hot. George says. “Marriages have become more sexually neutral and the sex has gotten worse and worse. It’s important for one partner to embody the masculine and the other to embody the feminine. There’s far more sexual attraction, and not only is sex more satisfying and erotic, it’s actually a much deeper experience.”

George says masculine energy means being more directional and having more depth. “Women are longing for depth; and they are longing for a man to command them into surrender,” he says. “Not ordering them around like a jerk, but slowly and relentlessly pressing a woman into sexual surrender and ravishing.” A lot of female heads in the theater nodded at that one. Andrea advises women to amp up their femininity by “being radiant—turn on your light. Smile, give praise, and find what’s right. Be lighter.” She also encourages women to experiment with different feminine energies and to relax and allow their men to lead more.

4. Expand your view of sex. TantraNova founders Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver have worked with thousands of couples all over the world, teaching them the principles of tantric yoga, which focuses on accessing and controlling sexual energy. “When we use the term sexual, we use it in a much broader way,” Meuth says. “Sexual energy is life-force energy. It’s the spark of the universe.” Weaver and Meuth’s courses teach how to establish both a sexual and heart–centered connection.

They demonstrated a simple but profound breathing-eye gaze exercise to the audience. “The manifestation of sexual energy is that it’s creative and pleasurable,” Weaver says. “If we look at how we can be more creative in our lives, it starts with that sexual piece.” The result is not only couples having better sex, but better lives in general.

Get started tonight!

  • Turn off your computer. Virtual screen time is not conducive to real, live, bodily connection.
  • Women, get yourself turned on by creating a sultry, sensual playlist and moving to it and feeling your body.
  • Show up in the bedroom with all of your imperfections, and present yourself to your lover as a gift.
  • Cultivate mindfulness by taking 10 deep belly breaths every day.
  • Both men and women: Do your kegel exercises!