You can tell a lot about a woman by her makeup choices. Thanks to cosmetic companies like MAC and Essie, many lipstick and nail polish colors now come with witty, whimsical and sometimes outrageous names. And for a makeup bag as cheeky as its contents, look no further than Pamela Barsky, designer, New York native, world traveler—and the brains and wit behind our favorite makeup pouches, which quite literally speak for themselves.
Each of these featured brands caters to women of every personality, taste and style. Don’t believe us? We’ve arranged some of our favorite MAC lipsticks and Essie polishes alongside Barsky’s clever statement bags to create humorous profiles of the women who would gravitate toward each of the pretty shades.
Her lip color: Retro, $17
Her nail polish: Master Plan, $9
Pamela Barsky: My husband doesn’t think I’m funny, $17
Favorite song: “September” by Earth Wind & Fire
Job: Retired Sales Executive/Full-time Grandma
Starbucks order: Earl Gray Tea Latte
Her lip color: Syrup, $17
Her nail polish: Take It Outside, $9
Pamela Barsky: If you really want to be happy marry a man who loves to rub your feet, $20
Fun fact: She graduated law school and had all five of her children before she was 33
Extra-curricular activity: Head coach of her daughter’s little league soccer team
Starbucks order: Coffee with extra cream and sugar (but don’t tell the kids about the sugar)
Her lip color: Flat Out Fabulous, $17
Her nail polish: Bouncer, It’s Me!, $9
Pamela Barsky: After midnight let’s put on our party clothes and dance like tomorrow will never come, $17
Favorite Song: “Club Can’t Handle Me” by Flo Rida
Job: It’s Complicated
Starbucks order: Mocha Frappuccino
Her lip color: Lady Danger, $17
Her nail polish: DJ Play That Song, $9
Pamela Barsky: DUDE, $17
Favorite song: “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard
Job: Biochemist
Hidden talent: Spot-on impersonation of Austin Powers
Starbucks order: Venti Iced Green Tea, unsweetened
Her lip color: Dark Side, $17
Her nail polish: Licorice, $9
Pamela Barsky: I like skulls because I’m dark and moody, $17
Favorite band: Van Halen
Favorite fashion combo: Cropped leather jacket and black combat boots
Fun fact: In the fourth grade she highlighted her hair with purple streaks—without her mother’s permission.
Starbucks order: Triple Americano
Her lip color: Kinda Sexy, $17
Her nail polish: Thigh High, $9
Pamela Barsky: I have to warn you I say what I think, $17
Favorite fashion accessory: Hoop earrings
Favorite song: “All About that Bass” by Meghan Trainor
Favorite Text Acronym: SMH (shaking my head)
Job: Lawyer
Starbucks order: Caramel Macchiato
Her lip color: Candy Yum Yum, $17
Her nail polish: Show Me the Ring, $9
Pamela Barsky: Excuse me I don’t think you’re paying attention to me, $17
Favorite TV show: “Real Housewives of NYC”
Favorite fashion combo: Uggs and J.Crew Leggings
Starbucks order: Skinny Vanilla Latte
Her lip color: Please Me, $17
Her nail polish: Poor Lil’ Rich Girl, $9
Pamela Barsky: In case of emergency, put mascara on yourself before helping others, $17
Favorite song: “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” by J. Lo
Job: Financial Advisor
Fun fact: She walks six city blocks daily in a pencil skirt and stilettos
Starbucks order: Cappuccino
Her lip color: Giddy, $17
Her nail polish: Chastity, $9
Pamela Barsky: I strongly defend my right to watch sappy movies, $17
Her favorite song: “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift
Her hobbies: Baking cookies, cupcakes, birthday cakes, cookie cakes, etc.
Ideal date: Pancake brunch followed by a waterfront stroll
Job: Kindergarten teacher
Starbucks order: Cinnamon Dolce Latte with whip
Lip color: Shy Girl, $17
Nail polish: Comfy in Cashmere, $9
Pamela Barsky: I am quite well traveled, $17
Favorite book: “Pride and Prejudice”
Ideal date: A sailing trip at dusk, followed by a candlelit dinner
Favorite president: Abraham Lincoln
Starbucks order: Half-caf Soy Latte
MAC fun fact: We love this community of makeup artists for their desire to celebrate individuality and give back through their VIVA GLAM and the MAC AIDS Fund initiatives. One hundred percent of the purchase price from each VIVA GLAM lipstick goes toward the foundation’s HIV/AIDS research funding, so you can look good and feel good too!
Essie fun fact: If it’s good enough for British royalty, it’s good enough for us. Rumor has it Queen Elizabeth will only wear Essie’s Ballet Slippers and Princess Kate wore Essie’s Royal Blessing II on the day of her wedding.
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